Recognize When Children Are Stressed and Help Them Manage it

It’s tempting for grown-ups to remember childhood as an idyllic time. Sometimes, we adults think that since children don’t have to worry about paying the bills, keeping a job, cleaning the house, and so forth, they can’t possibly have any problems.

This is a really counterproductive way of thinking, though, because children do get stressed. And they need your help to deal with it.

Children do not have the coping mechanisms, born of experience and maturity than adults do. This is why seemingly small things can be very upsetting to children. So be patient and learn to recognize your kids’ stress and help them cope. Here are some things to look for and some tips on helping them deal with their stress.

Physical Symptoms

Stressed children may exhibit physical symptoms, such as diarrhea, hives or rashes, restless sleep, changes in appetite, and /or nausea.

Emotional Psychological Symptoms

A stressed child may exhibit depression, excessive sensitivity, or social withdrawal. Stressed kids may be aggressive or have angry outbursts.

So if you see these symptoms in your child, what can you do? It’s tempting to do nothing. Parents may think it will go away on its own, or that their child will outgrow it. But stress needs to be confronted and coped with so that it does not become entrenched in your child’s thought and behavior patterns. Here are some things you can do.

Listen

Really listen. You may ask your stressed child what’s wrong, or why he is acting a certain way, and you may not get an answer. Or you get an answer like “Nothing.” But really listening means paying attention to your child’s words and body language even when they don’t know you’re watching. Certainly asking your child what is wrong is a good thing to do; it shows you care.

But don’t interrogate her, or expect your child to be able to verbalize exactly what’s occurring in her life and how it’s affecting her. Even some adults have trouble with this. So try to “read” into the passing comments, complaints, and body language of your child.

Express Empathy

If you express empathy, it shows your child that you do notice and understands. Verbally expressing empathy can also help your child build a vocabulary to explain his stressful feelings. You might say, “I bet it hurts your feelings when people call you names. It hurts mine, too,” and share an experience from your past.

Help Your Child Be Proactive

Work with your child in finding solutions to his stress. Sit down and make lists of things he could do, such as writing a letter to the stress-causing person or cutting back on some of his extra-curricular activities.

Let your child know that she does not have to be doing something 24 hours a day to have personal worth. She has worth because of who she is!

How to Raise an Extrovert Child When You Are an Introvert

Even with all of the rewards and happiness that parenthood provides, it may often leave an introverted parent feeling drained and in desperate need of some time to be alone. This is especially true if you’re an introverted parent trying to raise an extroverted child, who has a need for social interaction that far exceeds your own. Here are some tips for raising an extroverted child when you’re an introverted parent.

Devote Time to Recharge

In order to provide the best care and environment for your extrovert, you need to devote time to unwind and recharge yourself. For many introverts, prolonged periods of social interaction can be daunting and often leads to feeling anxious or stressed out.

If you’re in a bad mood, there’s a good chance that your child will pick up on that. This can lead to your child feeling depressed. They may blame themselves as a result of something that couldn’t possibly be their fault. Schedule an hour out of the day for a break, to process and manage your stress. Explain to your child why it is important for people to recharge their batteries and turn it into a positive experience for them. This will also give your child the opportunity to process their feelings and experiences.

Provide Opportunities for Interaction

It’s important to provide many opportunities for social interaction for your extroverted child. However, that doesn’t mean you have to turn your home into a hangout spot for all of their friends. Schedule social interactions for your child with a wide variety of people. Spend time with family members, schedule play dates with friends from school or take a trip to a public play place where your child can meet new friends.

By establishing interactions outside of the household, you can provide an appropriate level of social interaction for your extrovert while also keeping your personal space. It is recommended, however, that you allow your child to enjoy interactions with their friends in your household on occasion. Even if it’s just once or twice a week, your child will greatly benefit from having a social outlet on a more personal scale.

School Environment for Your Extrovert

Make sure your child is getting an education that properly caters to their extroverted needs. Meet with the school’s staff of teachers and assess what type of classes would be best for your extrovert. Seek out teachers that have a significant amount of practical “fieldwork” in their lesson plans.

The best thing you can do for your child is to get them involved in extracurricular activities, preferably involving groups of people or clubs. This is something that they’ll already be interested in getting involved with. It is a wonderful way for them to socialize and build relationships with like-minded people, as well as learn valuable skills. Discuss what activities your child is interested in – whether it be sports, the chess team or the drama club, and get them involved in as many as you and they can comfortably manage.

As an introverted parent, an extroverted child can sometimes seem like quite a handful. But, even if you aren’t excited about expressing your feelings or meeting new people, it’s important that your kid gets the chance to do so. Every chance that you give them to interact with people will help them to develop their social skills and maybe even earn them a new friend.

Important Things to Tell Your Daughter

When you are raising a girl, there are certain things you should always tell your daughter. These things, whether they are words, conversations, or otherwise, are going to help her grow up strong, independent, confident, and kind.

Tell Her to Be Kind

An important thing to start telling your daughter even at a young age is that she should always be kind to others. This is a really good lesson to teach daughters from toddler age to teenagers and even into adulthood. You want your daughter to be a nice person that is open, honest and treats others with respect. Teach her that even during moments when being kind is the last thing she wants to be, she should always remember humans make mistakes and that forgiving them and being the better person is sometimes the only thing she can do.

Teach Her How to Say No

This is something that is essential to living a well-balanced and stress-free life, but something many people never learn. Saying no involves everything from not feeling comfortable doing something, to being pressured into being intimate with someone, or even just saying no to helping someone with something she doesn’t have time for. Saying no encompasses so many things, but they all come down to one thing: she needs to know she has the right to say no whenever she doesn’t want to do something, can’t do it, or doesn’t feel right doing it.

You Are Proud of Her

Your daughter should always be told that you are proud of her. Show pride in everything she does and succeeds, even if the results were not quite as you expected. Children and teens really crave this type of attention from their parents, and girls can be sensitive about accomplishing something and not getting proper recognition for it. You can really help your daughter raise her own personal confidence and self-esteem by showing that you are proud of everything she does.

Friends Are Important

Girls should know how important it is to have girlfriends in her life. Friends are essential at all ages, as they can help you when nobody else is there for you. In addition to the importance of family, her friends become the people that she can trust with personal information, she calls up at 2 am for a ride, or just that is there to support her when her life isn’t going how she planned.

Taking the time to learn wise financial strategies and putting them into practice has a great impact on your children. Research shows that a substantial majority of kids are destined for a financial future that is remarkably similar to that of their parents.  

So what you teach them about money is likely to stay with them for the rest of their lives!

  You can take advantage of this tendency to prepare your children for a great financial future. Besides managing your own money well so they mimic positive financial choices, you can also teach your kids the practices of frugality, budgeting, saving over time, and much more with effective use of an allowance.

Starting an Allowance

  Try to recognize when your child is ready for an allowance. If you begin too soon, your child won’t comprehend the value of the money he receives. Typically, a good starting time is when the child is old enough to understand how the allowance system will work.

Allowance Systems

There are three types of allowance systems from which to choose:

1. Gift System.The gift system is simply a weekly payment to the child. The money isn’t given based upon any work/chores the child does or fails to do. The child gets the money just for being part of your family.

• The advantages of this method are that it is consistent and unchanging. There are no decisions that need to be made.
• There are many disadvantages:
  • The child is less likely to truly appreciate it.
  • He doesn’t gain a sense of achievement.
  • The child is also unlikely to develop financial responsibility when the money is just given to him and he’s done nothing to earn it.

1. Reward System.The reward system is the most widespread system parents utilize. Parents establish a list of chores for the kids to perform on a weekly basis and then pay an established amount for the successful completion of the chores.

• The advantages of this system are that there are penalties for not doing the assigned chores and rewards for doing them. So this system has both reward and punishment built into it.
• The disadvantages are somewhat difficult to see when the kids are younger, but the reward system sometimes results in a child that only wants to do something if it’s part of the established list.

1. Income System.The last system, the income system, is similar to real life. When there is a task to do that is not typically expected of your child, he gets paid to do it. Basically, you want to create an allowance that is paid to your child for work beyond the normal responsibilities.

This allowance will vary, but it seems to have a more positive impact than the other two systems. So you could have a simple chore list that the child must complete without financial compensation, then any other work beyond that list would result in receiving the allowance. If you’re serious about providing your children with some financial knowledge, an allowance can be a meaningful part of that education. If you also have regular discussions about money with your children in conjunction with an allowance, you’re really giving them a great head start. Don’t just hope for the best. Give them the best chance possible for a bright financial future.