Seeing Each Child as an Individual

If you assess the way your child is developing by comparing him (or her) to other children, you may be burdening him with self-esteem issues that carry over to both his teen and adult years.

While comparing the progress and success of peers is a standard practice in our society, it can be very damaging to young people. This is because of the essential developmental milestones that occur during childhood. It’s vital to recognize that children don’t all develop at the same pace, and feelings of inadequacy may only make their developmental progress harder to monitor. Here are some of the reasons why.

Your Child May Resent You

Being compared to their classmates or siblings can make your child feel resentful toward you. The pressure to meet your expectations can lead to feelings of anxiousness or sadness. They’ll feel like you’re unhappy with them and try to distance themselves from the source that is the cause of their discomfort. This can lead to a child who no longer trusts you enough to seek your help or guidance on the unfamiliar subject matter.

Long-Term Damage

It’s not uncommon for memories of our childhood to resurface in our adult lives and affect us in some way. This is especially true if the memory often occurred during childhood.

Events that have a strong negative impact on your child could lead to issues with self-worth or self-esteem later in life. And, while you didn’t intend for your words to be hurtful, your child may not understand it at the time and only remember it as a painful memory.

Over-Inflated Ego

While giving praise to children is encouraged, it can do more harm than good if it’s implemented negatively. Telling your child that they are better than their siblings or peers can lead to feelings of superiority to those around them.

It also teaches that it’s ok to put down others to feel good about yourself. Of course, it’s important to give praise for accomplishments. But, it’s best to do so in a way that paints them “good at something” rather than “better than others at something.” Essentially, you will praise the effort, not the act or “gift.”

How to Stop Comparing

It’s never a wise idea to compare your child to others. Whether or not their test scores in a particular class are higher than everyone else’s, the important thing to do is to show appreciation for the effort your child makes. Help them set realistic goals for improving their own abilities and encourage them to ask you for help if they need it. Above all, be sure your child knows that your approval does not depend on how popular or outgoing they are. Support them at all times and let them know that you’ll be there for them regardless.

Taking steps to treat your child as an individual allows him to effectively develop into his unique self, rather than a person he’s pressured into becoming. For example, he may have potential in music class, but never develop the talent because he feels compelled to play sports instead.

Remember, the goal is to treat your child like a strong individual, so he or she will grow up to be a healthy and appreciative adult.

If you have more than one child, these tips will help tremendously in not only keeping the peace but raising wholesome siblings who love and admire one another!

We all know raising children comes at a cost. Literally and figuratively.

Let’s Making Parenting Less Expensive

It’s no secret that raising children is expensive. For many of today’s parents, the challenge of making ends meet is much harder than it was for their parents and grandparents. This is due, in part, to rising costs and low-paying wages. The good news is that there ARE ways to make parenting less expensive. Read further to learn more about a few of them. Saving money is probably easier than you think.

Teach Children Early

Don’t wait until your children are older to teach them that money doesn’t grow on trees. When they ask for things, learn how to say no without feeling guilty. Consider giving them an age-appropriate allowance in exchange for doing their homework (without being asked) or doing simple chores around the house. This way, you can break the habit of your kids asking for something every time you leave the house.

Comparison Shop

There is a lot to be said about comparison shopping and taking advantage of sales and discount days. This takes more time than just running into the store really quickly to pick something up. But, if you have time to shop around, you’ll generally save big time.

Also, remember that there’s nothing wrong with buying certain things in a “gently used” condition. Shopping at thrift stores doesn’t mean you’re poor; it means that you’re a smart shopper.

Cook at Home

When you’re a parent, there never seems to be enough time in a day. Don’t let time constraints allow you to get in the habit of eating out. Cooking at home, from scratch, is so much more affordable. If your schedule is hectic, try “batch cooking” one or two days a week. You can successfully freeze almost anything. Pull something out of the freezer the night before. In the morning, toss it in a slow cooker. You be surprised at the money you’ll save.

Create a Support Network

When it comes to things like childcare, try to create a support network. Talk to two or three other moms about swapping childcare duties. The more you can trade-off with other moms, the less you have to pay for expensive day-to-day care. Doing so also allows you (as parents) to enjoy an occasional “date night” when the mood hits.

Look for After-School Alternatives

After-school activities can be quite expensive. Look for alternatives offered by your local park system, the library, or even the YMCA. Also, check out the community calendar on sites like craigslist.org and your local news websites. Many times, you’ll find listings for free concerts, classes, and other family-related activities.

Armed with this information, as well as taking advantage of some of these tips, should make parenting a bit less expensive. You can even go one step further and create a budget if you like. By sticking to it as much as possible, you’ll probably be able to save money and still be considered one of the coolest parents on the block! Why not get started today?

5 Shocking Behaviors Parents Should Never Ignore

As a parent, it’s very tempting to let smaller, less important issues go unnoticed. To some extent, however, it’s important to pick your battles. Why? Some behavioral problems can lead to worse issues in the future if they aren’t dealt with immediately. Here are five little behavioral issues that you may regret ignoring, along with what you can do to correct them.

Interrupting

If your child is eager to tell you something, he or she may ask you right in the middle of a task or conversation. It may not be much of a problem to stop to give your child the attention they’re looking for. But in doing so, they may feel even more entitled to your attention and develop a habit of interrupting you in the future.

In the event, your child yells or tugs on your arm to get your attention, tell him (or her) that he won’t get what he wants by interrupting. Don’t give in to him until he waits patiently for you to finish.

Pretending Not to Hear You

If your child gets away with not doing what you tell him to do until after you’ve told him a few times, he’ll think that he’s in charge of deciding when to do what you’re asking. Reminding a child to do what you asked teaches them that they can wait until they think you start to get serious.

Always make sure your child pays attention to you when you talk to him. Get him to respond to show that he is listening to you. If the behavior continues, you may need to impose a consequence on getting him to see that ignoring is not an option.

Playing Rough

Of course, if your child hits another child, this represents a situation that demands attention right away. But, many parents pay less attention to “less serious” forms of aggressive behavior, such as pinching and pushing. When this type of incident occurs, it’s still important to deal with it immediately. Don’t wait.

Not Seeking Permission

It doesn’t take long for children to start preparing snacks on their own, rather than asking for help getting them. However, giving them control over when they can eat or perform certain activities doesn’t help teach them to follow the rules.

It’s best to have an established set of rules for the household, instead of letting your child behave as he pleases. This gives him a constant set of rules to follow and adjust to, as opposed to teaching him to make the rules for himself.

Stretching the Truth

If your child exaggerates or lies about something that doesn’t matter, it may not seem like a big deal. But, lying easily becomes a habit that kids often turn to to get out of chores or trouble. If your child lies about something, make sure you let him know that it’s essential, to tell the truth. Tell him that lying hurts other people’s feelings and makes people suspicious of what they have to say. Kids will likely slow down on exaggerating if they realize that it is not as harmless as it seems.

These behaviors may be of little or no harm now. But, try to steer your child away from them all the same. If your kid often acts without permission, you must help him realize that this behavior is inappropriate or even dangerous. It’s better to deal with the issue now than to deal with the repercussions of a child acting impulsively in the future.