Tips for Dealing with Anxiety at Bedtime in Children

Getting children to go to sleep can be a challenge for most parents. However, if your child starts to show anxiety about bedtime, or genuine fear, it’s time to get to the bottom of the cause and take action to help them get a healthy and restful sleep every night.

How Much Sleep Do Children Need?

In general, school-aged children need ten to eleven hours of sleep per night. Unfortunately, sleep stealers such as homework, TV, DVDs, gaming, texting, and so on, can all have an impact on their sleep. Even five-year-olds want to stay up late and watch TV. They are anxious that they might be missing out on lots of fun. Even when they are tired, or even over-tired, it can be tough to get them to settle down for the night.

A calming routine of bath, PJs, and a bedtime story can help them wind down enough to be able to sleep.

Night Terrors

Some children are afraid of the dark. A nightlight can help. You can also play games in the dark to make it seem less scary, such as a treasure hunt with a flashlight or hide and seek in dark places like closets.

Other children don’t like to sleep on their own. Parents will often let the child come in with them, and they all fall asleep and end up sharing the bed all night. This can be a bad idea for several reasons. It can become a bad habit and cause intimacy issues between a couple. A sleeping adult can also cause serious damage to a child by rolling over, or through a misplaced elbow or knee.

If you wait until the child falls asleep to pick them up and carry them to their room, it might wake them. It can also be very disorienting if they wake in the middle of the night in a different place.

Nightmares

Many children have bad dreams. Avoiding scary subject matter in books and movies can help. Limit the amount of news they see on TV and what topics are discussed around the dinner table. If there are family tensions in the house, don’t allow the conflict to spill over to the point where it will make your child anxious.

Some nightmares are based on reality, like the time a big dog chased them. Deal with real-life events like this at the time by soothing them but not making a huge fuss. Try distracting them instead, so they don’t dwell on it.

Similarly, if they have a nightmare, don’t make them relive it by telling you about it. This might cause them to dwell on the dream and make it a recurring one. Reassure them that it was only a dream that came from their imagination, and then distract them with talk of more exciting topics.

Don’t engage with the content of the dream by hunting for “monsters” under the bed or in the closet. This might make them even more scared. Have them picture a safe, happy place, and that should counteract their fear and help them understand that their mind can create both monsters and paradises alike.

Ways to Discipline Ungrateful Children

Almost every child goes through an ungrateful stage (or stages) during childhood. It’s just a part of life, isn’t it? The good news is that when it comes to disciplining our children, it CAN be done. Better yet, it’s so much easier than you think. Here are some gentle ways to whip your kiddos back into shape! (No pun intended LOL)

Point Out the Ungrateful Attitude

Remember that young children, especially, don’t realize that they’re being ungrateful. You have to point these things out to them. Once your child has been appropriately disciplined, talk about some of the things they can be grateful for. Be specific and yet simple. Explain that not everyone is lucky enough to have these things and that it’s not right to take them for granted. Expand on the subject every now and then, just as a gentle reminder. If you want to pack a punch and make this super impactful, consider implementing “volunteer days” in your home. You (or as a family collectively) can choose a specific day once a month or once a week, however often you choose and decide on where you will volunteer your time and efforts as a family. Some ideas to consider are: an animal shelter, a nursing home, a farm, a local park (cleanup, etc), and more! If you need more ideas, don’t hesitate to write in the comments below or shoot me an email. I LOVE volunteering and there’s such a huge need for it.

Make a Deal

First things first, PLEASE don’t beat yourself up for making a “deal” with your child every once in a while. I know that judgy people out there will read this and roll their eyes. But, it’s all good. That’s okay. It’s important to try all the things and do what works best for you and your family.

So, for example, if your child persists in asking you if they can read a book for thirty minutes after bedtime, tell them that you’re willing to make a compromise. Set a timer for 15 minutes instead. This way, everybody is happy.

Stand Your Ground

In the event, your child won’t do as you say when disciplined, stand your ground. If you think you sound like a “broken record” that’s okay too. Really, it is. Sometimes it’s the only thing that works. There’s nothing wrong with being sympathetic and listening to what your child has to say. However, if the discussion comes to the point of standstill, don’t be afraid to end it and walk away firmly. You gotta do what you gotta do. Just saying.

It’s essential to treat your child with respect, even during your most stressful moments. Exhibiting stress allows him to take advantage of the situation and makes things worse, which is exactly the opposite of what we are trying to accomplish here.

Allow Privileges When Earned

At least for the majority of the time, it’s best only to allow privileges when earned. This way, children learn that they need to follow the rules to participate in activities and get rewarded with some of the things they ask for. Always reinforce positive behavior, as well. This is probably my most important and best piece of advice here. This makes children feel good and reminds them that they’re on the right track.

Whatever behavior you enforce and give your attention to, is the behavior you will reinforce. Always focus on the positive.

Giving children toys or other gifts to get them to act less ungratefully just doesn’t work. In fact, it causes more serious problems.

Focus on Helping Others

When you focus more on helping others, you’ll probably find that your child’s self-centered attitude will improve. Of course, this won’t happen overnight. Patience is key here. But, the more helpful children become, the more their outlook on gratefulness changes. As an added benefit, helping others fosters kindness and empathy, as well. Both of these attributes will follow your child to adulthood, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.

Child development experts tell us that ungrateful children typically don’t grow up to be exceedingly selfish, or greedy. It’s something that most kids grow out of by the age of 8 or 9. So, there’s no need to panic. The best thing to do is to stay as calm as possible when these situations arise. Be firm, and the crisis will pass. Remember, it’s all in a day’s work of a parent.

What Are You Teaching Your Child by Being Inconsistent?

As a parent, it’s important to be as consistent as possible to create a healthy living environment for you and your family. Of course, no plan is perfect, so occasional deviation is certainly permitted. Problems occur when inconsistency becomes more commonplace.

Being inconsistent affects your child in several ways. Also, it teaches him (or her) that inconsistency is perfectly acceptable. This is something that you definitely don’t want to happen. Continue reading to learn more about how children can be affected when there is inconsistency in their lives.

Anxiety and Fear

Many children who don’t have parental consistency at home find themselves dealing with high levels of anxiety and fear. Much of it comes from not knowing the consequences of doing something wrong. Inconsistent rules are like a mystery. A child might expect a particular consequence for one of his actions. When the resulting consequences aren’t as expected, this generally causes anxiety and confusion.

Rebellious Behavior

Rebellious behavior is the result of many things. One of those things is ambivalence. When a parent doesn’t follow through on things or frequently breaks promises, this can result in rebellion. In turn, resistance often leads to parental rejection, and the need for a child to get attention by exhibiting risky behavior as a means to convey feelings of anger and discontent.

Role Reversal

Did you know that being inconsistent sometimes causes a role reversal between parent and child? It’s true! In this situation, the child typically sacrifices his or her own needs and effort to care for the emotional needs of the parent and other siblings, if applicable.

It is not uncommon for children in this setting to nurture parents. The reasoning behind this is to bond with the parent to gain trust and try to settle into an otherwise absent routine.

Insecurity and Confusion

In a home that lacks consistency, a child’s insecurity and confusion surfaces at a very early age. Lack of security in a child’s daily routine can be detrimental. It’s not uncommon for children like this to wonder if their parents will give them emotional support during troubling times.

Even things like mealtime and bedtime can get confusing in a household that has no real schedule. One night dinner may be served at 5 pm and the next night at 8 pm. Children need structure to thrive. Inconsistency and structure go together like oil and water. They don’t mix.

It’s worth mentioning that everyone, adults and children alike, receives inconsistent messages all of the time. The good news is that experts tell us that the human brain is meant to handle complexity. This means that many children do a better job of sorting out these somewhat fuzzy messages better than some people think.

Now that you’ve read the above, you may want to make a few changes. If so, remember that there’s no reason to panic. You probably won’t need to overhaul your parenting methods completely. Depending on your situation, a few “consistency tweaks” will likely be all it takes. Not only will the future be better for your child, but it’ll also be less stressful for you as well.