How To Support Moms With Black Kids When The World Says Eff ‘Em

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How To Support Moms With Black Kids When The World Says Eff ‘Em

So, it’s 2020, and you realize you have a conscience. 

It’s about f****** time. 

You see, the world has been treating women, mothers, kids, and people of color like rubbish, and you don’t know what to do. (Credit to recent tragic world events) 

I probably shouldn’t do this…begin with venting, that is. But the hell with it, I’m gonna to do it anyway. 

Hi, my name is Sheree, and I’m a mom to black children, And I’m so f*cking tired of the prejudice, injustice, and inequality. 

What happened to George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey, Breonna Taylor (despite the media not giving her enough love, let’s not forget, the police broke in her home without a warrant, incorrectly, as in they also broke into the wrong home and shot her 8 times while she was sleeping), and so so so so so many others is WRONG.

It’s been happening for YEARS and falling on deaf ears, and we’re tired of it. 

These deaths are part of a much bigger issue here, and white people have not fought hard enough. 

We need you to ACT now. 

woman holds sign in protest of george floyd death that reads who tells you this is not our problem
Brussels, Belgium. 1st June 2020. Protesters sit in front of the Royal Theatre of La Monnaie as they take part in a protest against the death in Minneapolis police custody of African-American man George Floyd.

To stand up and join us in this fight for equality. 

We are not animals but beautiful human beings, more so than whites even. 

*Did I just say that? Go ahead and google “African people”, then try “white people” and lastly “war” Let me know what you see. (Hint hint, white people=murder & war. African people=culture, family, smiles) Now, obviously this doesn’t mean that people of color never murder others, no. BUT, the majority of blood is on the hands of whites and y’all taught us everything we know about violence.

We come from and have beautiful cultures, much like the native americans that were peaceful and loving.

Smdh americans and the guns. #ridthesecondamendmentplease

Our history is not rooted in hate OR violence. 

Yours is. 

White people DRAGGED US OUT of our homes, in the MOST INHUMANE way (not that ANY way is right) and tortured us FOR NO REASON other than THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN. 

Side note: For white liberals that “support” us but don’t support the rioting and looting…Let me ask you- how the hell do you think all these museums got filled up? Huh? You think they were diplomatic? Non-violent and paid a fair price? 

No, no. THEY DID NOT.

Do your research. The British Museum, as one example, has even admitted and openly stated they wouldn’t be returning anything of what they stole.

If all this comes as a complete shocker, you’ve experienced what is known as- the “white bubble of privilege”. 

This is a PRIME example of what your privilege looks like. 

Well now, it’s clear isn’t it? 

Good. 

Another side note: People of color have advancements in technology and their own wallets to thank for protection (little else there is.)

Not the police, government authorities, politicians, or anyone else. 

In regard to people of color- Blue lives murder. Period. 

This has been happening for centuries, and we’ve been pouring out our cries. 

It’s only now people are starting to believe. 

That’s racism. 

Why not believe our words before we had proof? (As you do for whites…)

Well, you have it now and STILL. 

*Heavy sigh. This is YOUR V for Vendetta moment.

Let’s start with the first tangible way you can support black families: 

*We indeed are families. Our homes are full with both parents present, thank you very much. Fatherless and motherless homes are NOT the norm. So tired of the false narratives portrayed & wanted to CLEAR THAT UP.

smiling happy black family mother father children parents grandparents

Related: This is an amazing article with a complete curriculum you can purchase to teach your children.

Join Organizations That LEAD

Open your wallets to black organizations and sign up for alerts from these companies. Such as the NAACP & Color of Change. 

Open Your Pencil Cases

There are petitions on this site that are waiting for your signature:

We NEED you to educate your kids so that this ridiculousness doesn’t continue. 

You can:

Promote kindness.

Promote respect.

DO something.

*Yet another side note: Christians in the room? Remember, faith without works is what? DEAD. You need to DO the work. Just as we have been for the past 400+ years. We are resilient and strong. 

Now, it’s time you step up and grab the baton.

Manifesters & everyone else: Karma’s a bitch isn’t it? Avoid that smoke & ACT. Do something for people of color that’s helpful and uplifting, for crying out loud.

You will encounter feelings of discomfort and shame.

Welcome to the world of being black every day.

You’ll never have the right words, and you need to find a way to be okay with that.

You’re being broken down and built up whole at the same time.

But trust me. I believe in you. If people of color can endure ALL of this, do you think it’s possible for you? (I’m hoping and assuming y’all have positive, encouraging, growth mindsets but if not, browse around, I’ll have articles that’ll help with that if you’re struggling)

Teach your kids how to have a growth mindset, so they understand it’s safe to be vulnerable & kind. 

Change is possible no matter what they see in the world.

You’re going to get things wrong. I can’t stress that enough. Become okay with it. 

Get (+stay) humble to being corrected and to learning new things.

It’ll feel awkward to speak at all because so many of you will feel like you’re not experts. & You’re right, you’re not. 

BUT… YOU have influence and can use that influence for POSITIVE CHANGE.

Stop repeating the same melody:

confused white woman

“We don’t know what to say” Oh, woe is me. Ugh. Excuse my eye-rolling.

It’s time to be done with that!!!! (I hope you heard my hand clapping in between e.v.e.r.y. Word mmkay?)

Google will give you a trillion articles to read. Bookstores and good ol’ Amazon will provide a million books for you. There are free podcasts and videos for those of you that prefer to listen.

We are constantly sharing our stories. 

If you can build a business, go to the movies or club, then you can take an hour or two to understand what’s happening and why it’s happening and learn how to speak about it. Period. 

I also understand you may feel scared to speak out. 

Your posts on social media might receive negative responses (from white defensive conservatives or black people calling you out to do better etc.)

Post it anyway. 

You can survive a tough conversation or a quick education. I KNOW you can.

text reads do it scared
You’re capable of being brave.

Don’t pretend to understand how POC are hurting. 

You’ve never walked in our shoes and can’t pretend to understand the struggles faced for the past 400+ hundreds years.

Listen.

Read.

Learn.

Listen.

Read.

Learn.

UNLEARN.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

You’ll need to be willing to learn a lot (including your unconscious biases) & then unlearn ’em. 

*Never forget: 

When people act out in a way you don’t understand, it’s because they are dealing with some sort of trauma.

Don’t turn your backs, but instead demonstrate love and find solutions to help.

We are looking for unequivocal support to combat the inequalities that exist.

You’ve been taught that some causes are “liberal” or “politically correct”, and so you haven’t championed them…

*ay mi Madre.

frustrated woman talking to another white woman

To that, I want to say: 

We are not going to go for that message anymore.

#1. Definition of political:

  1. of or relating to government, a government, or the conduct of government
  2. of, relating to, or concerned with the making as distinguished from the administration of governmental policy

#2. Definition of social justice:

  1. justice in terms of the distribution of wealth, opportunities, and privileges within a society

#3. Definition of issue:

  1. an important topic or problem for debate or discussion

Systematic oppression is a social justice issue. A before human rights issue. Not a political one. 

So, stop hiding behind that. Be with us or not, but either way, stop that bs. 

Every day you need to ask yourself and teach your children to ask:

“What can I/We do to be a part of the SOLUTION?!”

It’s bare-minimum human decency & important to speak up + take action because people of color receive constant daily reminders that they are less than and unsafe.

*Ask me how I know.

We are watching how (and if) you respond. We are listening to what you have to say. We are spending our money with you, trusting you, and supporting you. You do not have the right to take our money and attention and then ignore our experiences.

If you want to speak out but feel at a loss of what to say, this part is for you:

Things that that don’t support us: 

  • Talking about your own feelings

Understanding your privilege can be painful. Having businesses looted, burned & watching roots is painful and scary. BUT, it is not as painful or as scary as losing a loved one. Donations, insurance, and rebuilding will never bring murdered lives back. Therefore, livelihood and LIFE are not equal. 

Which is why we focus on the black lives matter movement.

  • Quotes being posted without tangible info on how to help.

Whether you intended it or not, this is using black people’s words to make white people feel like y’all are doing something. This is too easy and you can do more. 

#endtheperformativesupport

  • White business leaders with large platforms staying quiet

Remember we are listening, we are paying you, and yes, you DO have a responsibility. Just because you don’t bring it up doesn’t mean the situation has gone or is going away. Neutrality has no place. 

*Imagine for a moment, someone is trying to kill you or your child. On one side is your beloved, ready to fight and defend their life. On the other end, is the opponent with a machete ready to kill your loved one. Then, you enter the middle of them and say, “Guys, come on, can’t we all get along? Let’s dialogue about this and meet in the middle because hate doesn’t drive out hate; only love can do that.”

No problem, right? I’m sure your beloved would have no problem getting shanked just once. I mean, nothing a few stitches couldn’t fix, and hey, they probably deserved it or did something wrong. I’ll need to see the whole video and hear the WHOLE story before I take any stances. 

HA. SMDH, Crazy right? 

Of course, it wouldn’t play out like that, and I’m certain you wouldn’t be down with that. 

But it’s exactly what white people expect us to do and what we have been doing for 400 years. 

Well, it’s about that time and long overdue. We’re done with that.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor

Desmond Tutu
  • Tone policing

Telling people of color to be nicer, less emotional, or shutting them down when they respond to your posts, questions, comments. Please stop.

  • Asking for resources or to help clarify things for you

Expecting us, people of color, to educate you on the status and history of racism or white supremacy, etc., is a form of oppression in it of itself. Do everything in your power to do your own damn research, consume the content we’ve created and due diligence. IF then, you still genuinely don’t understand, reach out & then reshare it.

We are hurting. We are scared and anxious. If you really want to understand and create change, you need to listen.

Things that help support us:

  • Apologize

Talk about where you’ve gone wrong and can improve. 

  • Have more black voices on your platform 

Make a conscious effort to have at least the same amount of POC onto your platform as your peers.

  • Follow and support more black business owners. 
  • Refer to black business owners (repost their content etc.)
  • Validate our feelings
  • Empathize with us

We all need empathy and sympathy. Stand united and don’t let people of color be treated as if they don’t matter. That their lives are somehow less important. That THEY are less important. Show otherwise.

  • Demonstrate RESPECT
  • Help in any and every way you can

Whether it’s monetary, physical, or emotional. Speak up when you’re invited to something (conference, podcast, etc.) that features mostly or all white guests. Offer a listening ear. Etc.

  • Hold space for us

Press pause on your plans and make space to use your platforms to amplify black voices. Share resources to help others understand white privilege, the system that keeps racism going strong, and the experiences of black people. (It’s okay to mix anti-racist post alongside your regular business posts/content.)

  • Stop saying, “I’m over the race thing, it’s not relevant in this group, can we stop talking about it?” or “Can we please stay on topic? This is the place I come to talk about business, not race.”

You don’t get to be over it until it’s over. And it is 100% relevant. I sound like a broken record, but EVERY aspect of our lives INFILTRATES our businesses. You can’t exclude one from the other. Just like NO-ONE excluded the pandemic from their businesses.

*Your family member drops dead. Hey, I don’t care, I expect you to come into work anyway, jolly as always and fully alert. 

That’s a ridiculous and insensitive expectation, isn’t it?

Why is that? Because EVERY FREAKING PART OF YOUR LIFE AFFECTS THE OTHER. 

If you are reading this, and still don’t see that the inhumane treatment of black humans (especially from police brutality) is wrong, exit this website now. I do NOT want your support, I don’t need you to invest in my products. I don’t want you to use my products or learn from me.

#byebecky

I build a community on love, acceptance, and equality for ALL. Hate and ignorance has no effing place here.

*Christian? Understand that God is on the side of the oppressed, and you better believe that Jesus was ANTI-RACIST. Period. (Go search for @nakedpastor on IG so he can challenge your thoughts, make your mind go through some mental gymnastics, and think critically.)

Allow me to remind you that what’s normal to white people-you know, leaving the house, walking down the street, going to the store, going for a jog, driving a nice car, asking someone to please leash the dog (ahem. Google Amy Cooper *cough *cough), speaking up about ANYTHING-many people of color have to second guess and fear every single moment and day of their lives. 

For white people, life in America is perpetually the type of lifestyle you just had a smidge taste of since mid-March. (Except the offender is unseen, and you didn’t take its assault personally.)

How you respond or don’t respond to racism is going to impact people of color, for better or for worse. People remember people who stayed. Who fought and walked alongside them. 

The goal is to dismantle white supremacy, systemic racism, and culture that oppresses those of color. 

If you are ready to learn and do the work and recognize that Black Lives Matter, then I encourage you to start with all of these resources. 

I believe in you, and I know you can do better. 

In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist, we must be anti-racist

Angela Davis

Together, we can change the narrative and change the system for good.

brown woman hand and white woman hand join to hold a & figurine

I know this was a long article, and I appreciate your time.

I hope you and your loved ones are safe. I hope you are taking time for self care.

But, most importantly, I hope & pray this creates a revolution that finally catapults the change this world desperately needs surrounding the treatment of POC.

Helpful Resources:

Follow these leaders on IG to start:

@ohhappydani

@allyhenny 

@rachrodgersesq

@theconsciouskid

@readlikearockstar

@educationwithanapron

@clintsmithiii

@andrearanaej

@rachel.cargle

@austinchanning

@ibramxk

Helpful IG posts to view:

Overt vs. Covert White Supremacy

How to be an ally

10 steps to non-optical allyship

8 lessons about racism that were helpful to me as a white person

Quote “Just because you did something wrong in the past…”

Are Your Kids Too Young to Talk About Race?

A Guide to White Privilege

Structural Racism vs Individual Racism

Quote “Justice is not a trend…:”

Intellectualizing Racism

How White Liberals Can Be Allies

Books for Moms:

How to be an Antiracist

Raising White Kids

White Fragility

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

The New Jim Crow

Books for kids:

Malcolm Little: The Boy Who Grew Up to Become Malcolm X

Say Something

Be Kind

All Are Welcome

Separate is Never Equal

Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer: The Spirit of the Civil Rights Movement

More:

Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, Part 1

Why Don’t We Protect Black People Like We Protect Property?

Brandon Harvey talking about how to bring real change.

Why White Americans Don’t Confront Racism

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