Are you dealing with leg pain? Marks on legs that resemble bruises? Or those horrible bulging veins?
(Yea, varicose veins)
You’re not alone. Years ago, I had them too. I was on my 3rd pregnancy and during the 2nd trimester, my legs slowly became consumed with these “bruises”. Spider veins were everywhere, I felt so embarrassed. As if that weren’t enough, the veins started bulging at a rapid pace and I was disgusted. Disgusted to bathe myself because I could constantly feel them Disgusted with how I looked and completely overwhelmed with the immense physical pain these veins were bringing. I can remember so vividly feeling all of these symptoms at one point or another…many every day…
• Excruciating pain
• Trouble walking
• Painful/sore to the touch
• Felt warm
• Seemed to be progressing more and more
• Budging/raised/swollen
• Aggravated pain when I lift or push things like toddler and stroller or shopping cart
• When lying on back- felt like I couldn’t breathe
• Cramps, spasms, aching, throbbing, stinging pain in legs
• Pelvic and vulva area bulging
Trust me when I say, You are NOT alone & I KNOW your pain. I know it is an extremely difficult thing to bear. I know it feels so painful. But you CAN and you WILL push through this. I know you’ve heard enough doctors tell you that they will decrease or fade completely after birth, but right now, it just isn’t cutting it. I get it. But here is the truth-every woman’s body is different, however, for the most part, they will indeed disappear… But what’s a mama to do with the pain she’s feeling now? Would you consider prayer and/ or natural resources? (or just the latter if you’re not open to prayer?)
***I’m not a doctor. (I only play one on myself & sometimes my family. Welcome to motherhood!) Consult YOUR physician. Just sharing my own experiences. Ok Sorry, #endoflegal***
I remember researching all the natural alternatives I could find for this condition and the intense pain and wondering if it was all a hoax. Did natural mean less effective? Would it even work or was it placebo? (Side note: At this point, I would have even taken placebo if it meant relief!) You see, it was difficult at the time for me because I needed to follow a budget and taking a chance on something like this was risky. Not to mention, the nervousness I felt about taking these with no medical consultation because my doctors didn’t support natural alternatives. Yay for pharmaceuticals. Not [insert sarcastic disappointed angry face]. Now, I’m no doctor and I write this as encouragement for you, to share my personal experience that worked for me. I opted to use essential oils and a cream that was actually given to someone I know for their muscles. This is what I used and found to be really effective in both reducing pains in my legs and reducing the actual size of the veins. I also found that the veins didn’t progress as quickly while using these oils.
Helichrysum
Cypress
Geranium
Lemon
Because I was dealing with such intense pain, I opted to only slightly dilute these oils into virgin coconut oil. Each and every day, immediately after having a cool/warm shower [hot water worsens the veins]
I would:
1. Use a dry brush to improve the circulation in my legs [brush upwards to the heart] 2. Place a quarter size of coconut oil in the palm of my hand, then mix several drops of essential oil 3. Let dry Because of the research I found, I chose to variate the use of each oil. I would use one for a few days then switch to another as this is stated to be more effective. (As I update this post & fish through some 5,738 bookmarks & tabs LOL- I will provide the links to the studies/journals/articles & websites I used to create this strategy) After consulting your doctor: Feel free to try and experiment to see what works for you. I also found it extremely helpful to: 1. Not sit with my legs crossed 2. Elevate my legs whenever possible 3. Stay hydrated & eat [healthy] anti-inflammatory foods And all of these essential oils are deemed safe for pregnancy.
***Note that these statements are not regulated by the FDA and I am NOT a medical professional. These are simply my experiences & results***
Have you dealt with spider veins or varicose veins?
Picture this. Child screams and wails (in public, of course) You are HEATED. Butttt, you’re in public so you bite your tongue, grab your kid and hall your a*s out of there.
I get it. I know how hard it is to lean in and love when you want to lash out. Make them UNDERSTAND. Train and raise up arrows that aren’t arrogant.
Patience doesn’t come easy and certainly not by accident.
But,
Patience OVER pressure.
I believe you can do that. You can overcome anger or whatever emotion that’s driving you nuts.
We’ve all made this mistake. Prioritizing priorities over presence. Being. Sprinting through motherhood instead of slowing down.
Let’s grow. Discover exactly how you can alter your actions, reframe your state of mind and get to the root of it all. (& Finally stop creating a female version hulk)
Self Care
Try and understand why you are yelling.
Discover the triggers:
have you eaten?
did you have a bad encounter/receive unpleasant news?
woke up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning?
Why You Yell
Which emotions are you feeling when you’re yelling?
Are you feeling:
sad
upset
frustrated
confused
On and on…
Sometimes we yell when we feel misunderstood…
Do you feel unheard? Can yelling be your attempt to speak over others?
Be Proactive
The best way not to yell is to avoid the circumstances which cause you to yell to happen in the first place.
Aim for everything to move smoothly. You can plan your meals ahead of time. Meal prep some of those recipes. Organize or pick clothing for an entire week at a time instead of every evening.
Consider using an app where everyone can communicate and stay up to date on one family calendar. (I love Google calendar)
You want everyone on the same page so there are no surprises.
Be sure that each child’s attention needs are being met. Set aside some time every day to meet their energy threshold. One on one.
Clear Rules / Clear Boundaries
Set boundaries so that everyone understands their place in the family & what contributions are expected of them. It goes without saying that each child should respect these boundaries you put in place!
Tell Them What They Can and Can’t Do
Right now in my head I can hear my parents generation screaming at us because the fact of the matter is-
We are the parents, we’re right, their wrong and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Right?
My millennial mindset says WRONG. I don’t want to have countless, endless power struggles that are completely in vain when they can be avoided.
I’m not saying to never tell your children no. Yes, children need to hear no sometimes. They need to understand that the world will not feed them all the yes’s. However, in the confines of your home you can set boundaries where it’s sensible… to let them know what they can do instead of what they cant do.
For example, instead of saying-
No, don’t climb on that chair! or no don’t climb on the counter! or you can’t do that!
You can say:
Hey, you can ask Mommy or Daddy for help if you want to grab that off of the shelf.
Redirect their behaviors
In order to avoid kids continuing “bad” behaviors in an effort to get our attention, you’ll need to redirect their behavior.
When they do something you’re not happy about- offer them another alternative.
For example, if your child is playing outside and decides to eat the dirt….you might say:
No, you shouldn’t eat dirt that’s disgusting and you’re ruining the insects habitat. Let’s eat “this” instead.
Consistency
Don’t break your own rules
Some people may disagree because adults and children aren’t on the same level; however, I understand that children learn by example. They won’t listen to what you say. They’ll do what they see you do. So unless you want to bring stress on yourself from the backlash you’ll receive from your child-follow your own rules and allow your children to see you obeying those rules.
Be A Positive Example For Them
If you find that you aren’t following your rules or if they’ve seen you breaking your own rules then correct yourself.
Discuss & Explain Consequences
Try to anticipate the rules that you believe your child may break
When your child doesn’t listen or before the the bad action, Give life lesson examples, consequences of not listening
Positive Reinforcement
Be positive when you can
Always look for opportunities to be positive and upbeat and just plain happy! So your children can feel the same sensation of contentment from you to them.
*This helps with mindset and and self esteem*
Always Follow Through
No bribes or expensive rewards charts
I think this goes without saying, but just in case it doesn’t- do not under any circumstance bribe your children! Leave this for cases borderline World War III LOL
For parents that use reward charts- It’s important to note that the rewards should NOT be expensive.
If they are, you risk your child not naturally learning the moral value in what you’re trying to teach them.
Because they just get an X or lose a star or don’t get a star or whatever it is… they still see said expensive item (among other things) on the chart still up for grabs. (Rendering your whole training useless. Whomp whomp)
Your child is not a cat with 9 lives and you should only be giving one warning. If they disobey that warning- roll out the consequence. No if, ands, or buts about it!
Communication
Whisper
Whenever you’re speaking to your child-whisper. Whispering forces our children to settle down and stay quiet so they can actually hear what we’re saying and this works best when paired with a crouching down position.
Get down on their level and speak to them. I use a soft, calm and even whisper voice in these cases.
LISTEN to your child…first
Before you respond, listen to your child listen to hear their understanding of what happened
Allow them to say whatever it is they want to say without reservation. Don’t cut them off to correct- only listen.
As moms we tend to listen to respond immediately or to fix a situation. This is not the time or place for that. Listen to hear your child… to see them… to understand them.
Respond don’t react
No matter what they tell you- do not react! Respond in a calm and simple manner as best you can. If you can’t or if you find that it’s too difficult- take a step away for a moment.
You can say-
oh excuse me just for a sec, I need to use the bathroom
Or
I hear you. I need to step way for one minute and I’ll be right back.
And so on…
Keep communication simple (KISS)
Keep it simple sister. You want to keep it simple with your littles. Don’t use big words or even a whole lot of words. Keep it short and sweet.
Use 1 Word phrases if possible so that you can ensure your kid is able to listen and effectively implement what it is you want them to do.
Write a note
Talking can be tough sometimes and so is parenting. So, if there’s a situation where you feel completely overwhelmed to actually speak about it or if you feel that you’re filled with too much frustration you’re going to boil if you have to say it one.more.time….
Then, just go ahead and write a note. Pen it on paper. Hang it up, give it to your child directly, slip it under the door…it doesn’t matter as long as they see what it is you have to say.
Verify that your kids understand
Consistently throughout your conversation, make sure that your little ones understand what you’re saying. So, basically, at every point during the conversation be alert for body cues that your child’s listening.
Also check that they understand by asking directly- do you understand what I am saying?
If they do- great! Ask them to rephrase what you were saying so you can be certain they understand.
We all know how infamous the “yes mommy” response is. They say they understand, when in fact they weren’t listening at all and have no idea what you’re talking about! (Oh is that just my kids? kmt cha LOL)
Make sure kids aren’t ignoring or tuning out…..
how…. similar to what I mentioned above be sure that your kids are actually listening and understanding what you’re saying.
In order to make sure that they’re not ignoring you-
use simple 1 Word phrases
ask them to rephrase what you’ve said
pay attention to body language (are they fidgeting, looking you in the eye? what position is there body in? are they facing you or facing away from you? so on and so forth.)
If you have a sensitive child or you have a child that battles with ADHD than it may be helpful for them to have some sort of small instrument, trinket, or fidget toy in their hand while you speak to them so they’re able to focus, if it helps.
Tone
Truly, It doesn’t matter what you say. It only matters how you say it. This is especially true if you have an HSC (highly sensitive child). Whether or not you believe or understand energy, the phases of the moon or whatever woo-woo topic is hot right now- the bottom line is:
Subconsciously and consciously we’re always processing tone and body language, first.
Say it like you see it
I learned this technique in college (during my short time as a SPED ED major) This is so crucial and should be in every single parenting book!
It’s one of those common sense things that’s commonly overlooked.
**You want to describe the situation exactly as you see it**
Here’s one way to remember it: Code: RED
Repeat what they say
Explain what they are thinking & feeling
Describe what your child is doing
You can foster a sense of understanding and show your child that you’re invested in them.
Because the obvious bare necessities like the electric bill, water, food etc easily go unnoticed. You’re providing…paying for it every month buuuuttttt they don’t see it.
Encourage child to communicate
Ask them questions ask them if they have any questions.
And if you’re ever unsure just go with the “WH” questions.
Who was involved?
What happened?
Where did it happen?
When did it occur?
Why do you think this turned out this way?
How do you feel and how can we make it better?
Give simple explanations
(But not- “because I said so”)
Remember that your child is a little human being!
They’re a living person that came out of you and worthy of respect just as much as any other person on the planet.
This is your mini person. Treat them as such.
Don’t give sassy explanations.
If your child can comprehend what you’re saying, then share the reasoning. Actually, let me rephrase that. ALWAYS provide an explanation because every single child at any stage will understand. It’ll only look different for every stage.
But, it can be done.
For toddlers this may mean:
using hand motions
buddy gestures
sign language for really small children
one word phrases
very short sentences
For older children:
You can explain as you see fit.
in a simple succinct way that doesn’t give off too many details to be confusing
straight to the point
Be honest
When Your Child Doesn’t Listen
When they don’t listen or are outright disobedient- don’t take it personally. Sometimes it can be a developmental issue or their minds might simply be distracted.
TIP: If they are distracted, get down on your child’s level and ask them a simple (silly even) obvious question so that they turn their complete focus over to you.
(I.e. Am I looking up or down, pointing left or right? Etc.)
Remember that this isn’t a huge cause for concern because every single family struggles with this. It’s one of the many facets of parenting.
Children almost always disobey because they’re trying to test the limits and test the boundaries of how far they can go. To truly understand the limits you send in. And to test whether or not you’ll enforce those boundaries.
As a side note: always ask yourself whether what you’re asking them to do is within the limits of what they are capable of.
Everything I’ve said here is worth nothing at all if you don’t understand your child’s personality and temperament.
Seriously flush it all down the toilet because children are not cookie cutter. You need to approach each child differently with this in mind.
Each response and method used will differ with every child.
Give children choices
Children want to feel in control just as much as any parent. This is usually the root of most power struggles because parents inherently feel as if they are in control all the time or should be in control. When the truth is that no one is in control. Nor should anyone be. As parents, it’s a hard (& maybe fun?) job to give the illusion of choice.
So, instead of saying no to your child to one thing and saying yes to another, you can say- Hey would you like A or B? (& ideally these two choices are two options you are happy with no matter which one your child picks.) I mean that’s the whole point, rightt? That’s the beauty of it.
Calming Techniques for Mom and Child
Breathe deeply
Please don’t dismiss the power of breathing deeply. It isn’t credited highly enough. Seriously breathing deeply can relieve body pains better than most NSAIDs.
Remove yourself
If the sh*t has hit the fan then remove yourself for a moment. Step away. It’s ok and one of the best things you can do for yourself and your child.
Stop, make up any excuse (whatever excuse that sounds good to you at the moment) and let your child know you’ll be back in a few minutes.
Count to ten
The sounds silly writing it down but, seriously, in the heat of the moment, this is a beautiful activity to do with your children so that they can see you in practice using calming techniques. In turn, it’s showing them what they can do and how they can react in situations that makes them feel frustrated or uneasy.
Simply get up & demand to countdown from 10 before you begin.
54321
This is an anxiety technique I learned a few years ago. You can do this by yourself when you escape, or you can do it together before you even begin to jump and respond to the situation.
5- 5 things you can see
4- 4 things you can hear
3- 3 things you can touch
2- 2 things you can smell
1- one thing you can taste or want to taste
There are many variations to this technique. You can easily do a quick web search to find what you like best.
Heartbeat hand breaths
I totally made up this name, but I learned this technique from a fellow friend who specializes in teaching children’s yoga and many calming methods.
It works like this: you open up the palm of your hand and with your child’s hand joined together…take your pointer finger and move it over your fingers, both up and down each finger. (A bit like those heartbeat monitor screens at the hospital)
You breathe in when you go up and breathe out when you go down. Breathe in calm, release negativity.
Continue that as many times as you need.
Rinse face with cold water
There’s nothing like a good old classic body shock to alter your emotions.
Eft tapping
Full disclosure here – this isn’t a practice that I perform daily and I’m still in the research phase as I just came upon this technique a few months ago.
I’ve tried it, but I’m still not yet convinced so, I’ll get back to you in a few months with this, but I wanted to include it anyway just for those who are learning research enthusiasts like myself or who are familiar with this technique already.
Listen to music
Turn the music up! I’m talking blasted mama. Sing and dance, like it’s karaoke night to your heart’s content, Don’t stop till you guys are sweating and laughing and crying with giggles
Knit or crochet
This is such a calming activity because you have to be uber focused when doing it. I remember years ago when I took up crocheting, and I would only do it when I was furious, and it’s one of the best and cheapest therapies I’ve found.
Hugs
Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes words aren’t needed. Go ahead and hug your child and say nothing more 😉
Pet cuddles
If you have a pet, especially a dog, this can be heart-warming. Seriously I’m convinced dogs were put here just to bring joy into people’s lives. I mean what other animal do you know of that is so inherently happy and darn willing to please you?!
Cook
This is one of my favorites. When you’re upset it’s really helpful. Buuttt, be super careful not to go crazy with the knife and go chop off a finger because you’re not paying attention while you’re dicing the fruits and veggies ????
Journal: journal junkie ✔️
Bring on all the journals, paperweights, fancy covers, simple covers, pens, pencils, coloring pencils, markers crayons, paint brushes for all I care-it’s ALL welcome here. LOL
Everything is fair game in creative writing or creative drawing. Just put some sort of writing instrument in your hand, and have a clean canvas in front of you. Release!
STOP METHOD/Technique
(calming method to reduce stress or anxiety)
Stop what you are doing
Take a deep breath
Observe your thoughts and feelings without censoring
Proceed with whatever you were doing before
Is Yelling Ever Okay?
Apologize & explain, express yourself. If you find that you do yell at your children, a simple apology will suffice to humble yourself and show your kids that even YOU, the parent, a grown-up can make mistakes.
No one is perfect, and that’s okay. Show your children that you can grow and learn from your mistakes. Feel free to explain express yourself as to why you believe you yelled.
Remember Your Place and Age
In the heat of the moment if all else fails, remember to tell yourself who YOU are. You’re a grown-a*s woman speaking to a 3,5,7,10 or 15-year-old (insert age here). The point is that they are younger than you. They are still children, and you are an adult…with so so much more experience and wisdom.
Parent From A Place of Gratitude
Every year, thousands of women suffer miscarriages. It’s a privilege to parent our littles. Change your words (& mindset!) from “I have to” to “I get to”
Have simple post-it reminder to remind yourself that it’s a privilege to be able to raise a child. To raise another living being and to take a part in that.
Human Tape Recorders
If it isn’t enough, remember that children are human tape recorders so proceed with caution lol
Act in accordance with the mom you aspire to be, not the mom you think you are. It’s so easy for a mum to believe the lies that we tell ourselves or hell sometimes it other people tell us trying to fulfill the boundless requests and demanding jobs that wear meant to to do naturally as if it ever comes naturally.
Use the STOP method above for your thoughts and move along telling yourself a new narrative and then acting in accordance with that narrative.
I don’t care if you believe that your entire past supports the lies that you’re not a “good mom” or you’re lazy or whatever other ridiculous things if told yourself.
Just stop.
Now, go tell yourself you are a call, loving, patient mom with a hell of A LOT of wisdom and understanding. And you can parent well.
Remind them that you love them no matter what and repeat it a thousand times more
Remember They Are Kids
Keep expectations low. Understand they are kids.
Accept your child for who they are and not who you want them to be.
They are a reflection of you and your spouse. If something is pressing on you that you dislike about your child’s behavior or habits, whatever.
Step back and take a good look at yourself and your other significant other. See if there’s any truth to what I’m saying here.
Their tendencies will almost always be your tendencies or any other person in their lives. So manage well. Don’t abandon self-care and if you do realize that there’s even a sliver of truth, please don’t be discouraged. Use it as a guide to work together to grow. It’s a humbling realization to uncover (seeing your child’s faults are due to your own). Real talk.
I know kids can be ‘expensive.’ So, for reference, our kiddos are still little and this post is probably more applicable to those with young children (8 and under).
Growing up, you always hear about the costly burden of having kids. But the truth is, they really aren’t as expensive as people would lead you to believe. You see, I made a horrible mistake when I was just a teen and cost, along with fear, were the deciding factors in my response.
So, here are some thoughts…
This is for you.
• Kids are mostly free if you don’t mind paying attention
1. Kids play with nearly anything & expensive toys aren’t necessary at all. We first need to erase the lies our culture and mainstream media has embedded into us. Then, we can begin to cultivate creativity and show genuine gratitude for what we already have. Don’t underestimate yourself.
2. Use your creativity to make and play with whatever’s lying around. Use what you already have! Or use google/Pinterest to help give you some ideas. There’s no shame in this! We’ve all been there. Some of us just aren’t born with natural creativity…ahemm *cough cough*
Save your toilet paper rolls for crafts
Re-use those delivery boxes (large appliance boxes are the BEST)
Use your pots & utensils as instruments
Save (safe) packaging from any food items (may need to wash some. But think…tea boxes, yogurt/baby food cups etc)
Dance with music (Youtube for the win: Check out: Saskia’s Dansschool)
Exercise together (remember those simple exercises from elementary gym classes?) (Bonus: Youtube again: Cosmic Kids. They are absolutely fantastic for this)
3. They will use their imagination if you support it
• Opt for outdoor play because whether or not you have the energy to gather everyone up and out the door- It will always be easier to clean the ‘outdoors’ off of them than to clean up the mess they’ve made indoors. Trust me on this. Fo’ real.
Play ‘What time is it, Mr. Fox?’
Tag
Hide & seek (I’d only opt for this in the confines of a SAFE gated home/community WITH LIMITS…yea yea, call it no fun/paranoia…what have you! I found myself in unsafe compromising situations as a kid by no fault of my own. I know the dangers thank you very much)
Dodgeball
Need more ideas? Have a look here.
• They grow way too fast, use thrift shops
1. It’s no surprise that children grow fast. But in case you aren’t aware- babies grow out of their clothing about every 2-3 months from age 0-12 months. Thereafter, it could be about every 6 months, once they turn 4/5, I find it’s about once a year or maybe its just my kiddos?! (Note: sadly, these estimates don’t include shoes 🙁 Kids regularly outgrow their shoes and at a much faster rate or just wear them down super duper fast)
2. Doesn’t make much sense to pay full price here.
• Go natural
1. Opt to make things from scratch or go the natural route.
Here are some ideas:
• Use cloth diapers instead of disposables
• Use castile soap for all your ‘soapy’ needs (body wash, shampoo, laundry etc)
• Use old rags or buy new ones really cheap to use as wipes
• Or make your own wipes using paper towels
• Use coconut oil and baking soda as toothpaste
• Use water and hydrogen peroxide as a mouthwash
• Use vinegar and lemon as your primary cleaning agents
• Don’t use body creams, opt for oils instead
They don’t need things. They need YOU
Our children need our attention, our love, our nurturing and there isn’t anyone more qualified on the planet to do this than us!
And when all is set and done and our children are having children of their own…the only things that would have mattered…the only things they will remember….are the memories, experiences and time we took to parent them. To guide, teach and love on them.
Here are some quick ways you can find more time to read to your children
My absolute favorite way to spend unplugged time with my kids is to read aloud to them. I’ll confess, part of this is because I LOVE doing the silly voices. haha *Give me all the accents* ! One complaint I hear a lot is that parents can’t seem to find time to read aloud with their kids, especially as the kids get older, or as the number of siblings increases. (Tell me I’m not the only one that read 7,587 books with the first child and 100 with the second??!!) Anyhow, This has been true for me sometimes as well. I’ve found a couple of things that really work when it comes to sneaking in read-aloud time, and maybe they will help you too.
1. Read during meal times.
This includes snack time. It won’t work for every meal, of course, but think about it for a minute… your kids are trapped I mean ‘strapped’ or sitting (hopefully lol) in their chairs! You have a captive audience, for the most part, right? This is a great technique when you have several kids of different ages, especially the teeny tiny ones.
2. Move bedtime up by 15 minutes.
Say you usually have the lights out by 8:00 pm. (I usually do by 7 pm and if you don’t do this or think its too early, let’s chat about this! Trust me its the best decision you’ll ever make. Ok, moving on) Everyone is rushing to get in bed by 8:00 and then by 8:30 everyone finally IS in bed (you know how it goes), and there is no time for reading. Instead, pretend bedtime is 7:45. Get the kids in PJs and teeth brushed by 7:45. That leaves time for “one more chapter.”
3. Carry a book everywhere. (yes really. Bonus points if its a paperback)
Make it a paperback, a suspenseful or funny chapter book. We all find ourselves in moments during the day when we need to keep the kids busy — waiting for big brother at school, picking up take-out, you name it. Pull out the book and divert their attention with a suspenseful tale or funny rhymes and jokes if your little doesn’t favor scary.
4. Swap television for books once (or more) times a week
Mama, I know all too well how easy it is to want to grab the remote and flick on the television. BUT, right in that moment…in exhaustion and ease- I want you to try something. Get up, go to a room where you’ll be alone (yes, the bathroom totally qualifies. No judgment here) Remind yourself of these three things:
i love my children and my children adore me
i have no idea who/what i am raising (will my precious baby be an astronaut, doctor, teacher?)
their lives are worth more than the few temporary hours of “relief”…..so i’ll breathe & start again
What quick tips do you use? How do you find time to read to your children on busy days?
