Sheree

  • Raising An Only Child

    Raising An Only Child and Managing Loneliness: What Moms Can Do

    Families come in all shapes and sizes. There are families with more than 12 children, and others with none. Being an only child has many advantages, but there are disadvantages, too. There’s so many pros and cons to parenting and raising an only child.

    Many only children do just fine socially and manage to handle their unique situation with little challenge. Some only children struggle to make friends, and obviously lack siblings for social interaction.

    As a parent, there is much you can do to help your child adapt to being an only child and suffer less loneliness.

    Consider these key tips to raising your only child:

    Playdates are important!

    Sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns as a parent. Children that struggle to make social connections on their own might need a little help. Reach out to your child’s teacher and the parents of children your child’s age. Many seemingly shy children do have friends at school, but they’re too bashful to ask them to spend time together outside of school.

    Avoid hovering (AKA Helicopter parenting)

    Some children prefer to spend time alone. If you weren’t hovering over your child, and allowed them to have more alone time, they might be more interested in making connections with other children. Many kids are surprisingly capable of solving their own challenges if given a little space to operate.

    Activities create social opportunities

    Turn off the TV and the iPad and get your child engaged in some activities that include others. Team sports, a ballet class, art class, and summer camp are just a few ideas. What does your child like to do? What activities come easily to your child? Both are good starting points.

    Interact with your child to create good communication skills

    Have regular, meaningful conversations with your child and work on developing your child’s communication skills. Some kids aren’t sure how to interact with others effectively. If your child tends to lean toward solitary activities, their communication skills are likely lacking. Find a good book on communication skills and work on building these skills in your child. Simple things like asking questions, smiling, and making good eye contact can help.

    Avoid relying too heavily on digital devices

    TV, cell phones, tablets, video games, and more can hamper a child’s social development. These activities can be isolating and prevent the development of social skills. It’s easy to rely on these things as parents, because they are easy ways to keep kids entertained. However, keep in mind that too much “screen time” can negatively affect them.

    Focus on self-confidence and self-esteem

    Many kids are socially hesitant because of a lack of confidence or self-esteem. Failing to make friends can make a child even less confident. Seek out ways to boost your child’s self-confidence and self-esteem.

    Become friends with other parents that have children

    Find other moms or dads with kids about the age of your child and spend time together. Include your child in the fun.

    Only children do have a greater chance of suffering from isolation and loneliness. Make an effort to help your only child to have a happy and socially successful life. Their social skills will benefit them throughout their lives.

  • Gentle Punishment Alternatives for Toddlers

    Any parent raising a toddler knows how difficult it can be to maintain good discipline. When you least expect it, your child is likely to throw a tantrum, while you feel helpless.

    As a proponent of positive parenting, you are well aware that spanking or any other form of physical punishment isn’t a valid option.

    And timeouts might not have a positive effect on your child’s behavior that you hope for. This is no surprise because kids at that age can’t fully grasp the link between their actions and consequences.

    Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction

    Anne Sullivan

    If this is our standpoint, why do we still try to punish our kids when they do something wrong? Why don’t we work to understand them, guide them, or offer a good example instead? How do we train our children to adjust well to life, without losing our minds in the process?

    Fortunately, you can control your own actions.

    Toddlers learn a lot from observing and imitating. You have a chance to be a positive model. All you need to do is be patient with both your child and you.

    Consider these alternatives to punishment for young children:

    Ask questions

    Your child’s misbehavior is here for a reason. Even though toddlers are young, you can talk to them and offer to understand. We often incorrectly assume kids are doing something “bad” when, in fact, they are figuring out how something works.

    Seek answers

    Ask: “What are you trying to do?” or “Why do you want to do this?” Listen and understand, then correct their behavior by offering the appropriate outlet or information.

    Take a break with your child

    If you notice your child is having a difficult time or making choices you don’t approve of, go to a quiet space together and take a break.

    This will serve as prevention for trouble, so it’s important to do this before things get out of hand. Five minutes of calm conversation, listening, sharing, and considering more appropriate choices for the situation can help.

    Give a second chance

    A young child that makes a mistake doesn’t deserve punishment. They deserve an opportunity for a do-over.

    Let your toddler try to address the problem differently and change their behavior. State clearly what’s not allowed, offer a positive alternative, and ask if they are okay with it.

    Use a physical demonstration

    Children learn from observation all the time. You are constantly their model, even when you aren’t aware of your own behavior. So, ensure that you are a good model in critical situations.

    A toddler might not grasp the connection between their action and your words, but if you demonstrate desirable behavior, they’ll catch up.

    Give your child a heads-up

    When you’re requesting specific behavior from your child, give them a heads up. For example, instead of asking them to leave the playground at a moment’s notice, tell them you’ll be leaving in five minutes.

    A gentle reminder of what you’re expecting them to do is more useful than a punishment afterward.

    Read a story

    Another creative way to help kids learn how to make better choices is through stories. Read or tell stories that include characters who make mistakes, have strong feelings, or need help. This is also a way of setting a good example using a character that your child can relate to.

    Switching from punishment to positive reinforcement is the best thing you can do for your child’s mental health and further development. It does require patience and devotion, but it’s one of the best gifts you can give to your child.

  • How To Encourage Your Child

    8 Ways to Encourage Your Child To Be Themselves

    Every child is unique. Many children are also very self-conscious and unsure of themselves. This can stifle their individuality before it even has a chance to develop.

    There is a lot that parents and teachers can do to encourage and motivate a child to be comfortable and aware of their individuality.

    Your child has many special qualities. Are you sure you’re aware of all of them?

    Here are my favorite ways to encourage my kids to be themselves:

    Ask for their opinion and USE it

    Kids become more confident when they know their opinion matters. Ask your child if the family should have pizza or hamburgers for dinner. Or where the family should go on vacation (once you’ve narrowed it down). Or which flowers to plant in the flower beds. When they see that their opinion matters, their willingness to express their individuality grows, as well as their confidence!

    Be HIGHLY supportive of their interests

    Whether it’s dancing, drawing, or basketball, show them that those activities matter because they’re important to your child. Once again, you’re teaching them that their opinion is important. Help your child to be great at what interests them. You’ll foster a deep connection like no other. This might mean helping them to join a team, taking a class, join a club, or get a tutor or coach. They’ll love you for it, and love themselves more, too.

    Make a list of your child’s strengths and preferences

    Find ways to help your child leverage those things. Combining your child’s strengths and preferences is a great way to ensure success, build confidence, and foster individuality. Foster a growth mindset by focusing on the positive things instead of the negative and using the positive in ways to catapult their success.

    Accept your child for what they are

    Give up whatever vision you might have of the perfect child. I’m serious. Lose it. You’re not programming a robot. You’re raising a unique, beautiful human being. Encourage their uniqueness and individuality and leave your own preferences (ahem. limiting beliefs) at the door. You can change yourself all you like if you want a project.

    Give a lot of freedom when allowing your child to select clothes

    Clothing selection is a harmless way for your child to express himself. Meet the school’s dress code, but other than that, get out of the way. If your child likes to wear mismatched socks or colors, so what! Let them be themselves. As long as it won’t hurt you or put your child in any danger, let them take the reigns.

    Encourage your child to be assertive

    An assertive child is much more likely to express their individuality freely. Help your child to be more assertive and share their opinions and preferences openly. Encourage your child to speak up and give their opinion. Teach your child not to allow themselves to be mistreated. Every child should respect themselves and appreciate their own value. You can help make it so. If you have sons, I’m sure this isn’t an issue for you as society supports boys being confident but encouraging “dangerous” risky behaviors. Oppose to girls, where society and the media suggest they should be cautious, careful, and gentle. Confident kids give themselves permission to be bold, try new things, and express their individuality in ways timid children never will.

    Avoid making comparisons

    One way to damage your child’s individuality is to make comparisons between your child and others. Comparisons don’t bring about positive results. What one child is or isn’t doing has nothing to do with your child. Comparisons are for buying cars or a new tech gadget.

    Show your own individuality, too

    Your child knows if you’re holding back. They’re always watching you. Hello, 24/7 tape recorders and sponges! Be brave and show the world who you really are. It starts right at home with your family. Your child will ALWAYS follow your example.

    They will always do as you do and almost never as you say

    Sheree

    It’s an opportunity for you to both grow together. If you lead by example, you inherently give them the okay to be themselves too.

    Everyone struggles to feel comfortable enough to be 100% authentic, including adults. The best time to begin creating this comfort is in childhood.

    Help your child to show their unique nature to the world. Without a parent’s help, most children fail to develop the courage and comfort to be themselves. There’s much you can do to help your child develop fully.

  • Morning Routine For Moms

    Calm Mornings Aren’t As Difficult To Achieve As You Think

    What are the mornings like at your house? Maybe you’re running late and the kids are cranky. It seems like the more you nag, the slower they move. Do you feel like you’ve put in a full day’s work before you even sit down at your desk?

    Imagine how different your life would be if you could stay on schedule and start the day in a happier mood.

    Easy Morning Routine for Moms

    Simple steps moms can take for a calm morning:

    Assess sleep needs

    If you and the rest of your family are tired each morning, you’re probably not getting enough sleep. Try an earlier bedtime.

    Prepare the night before

    Accomplish as much as you can the night before so you’re less rushed in the morning. Pack lunches and confirm that homework assignments are completed. Lay out your children’s clothes and shoes.

    Set priorities

    Shorten your to-do list. Focus on the essentials and be flexible about the details. Let your kids style their hair their way as long as it’s clean.

    Stay organized

    Create systems that keep things running smoothly. Post a central calendar. Put out bins where your kids can deposit backpacks and bike helmets when they come in the door.

    Budget extra time

    Plan for delays. Give yourself 15 more minutes than you need so you’ll arrive at work on time even if you have to look for a missing toy.

    Get up first

    Enjoy a few minutes of peace before the rest of the family gets up. Taking care of yourself first will make it easier to deal with anything that comes up.
    Stay calm. Your children will follow the example you set. Take a deep breath and keep smiling.

    Simple Steps Moms Can Take with The Kids:

    Focus on connecting

    Transitions are especially challenging for children. Pay attention to their feelings so you can be encouraging and supportive. Be patient guiding them through tying shoe laces and pouring milk. Hug them and thank them for their efforts.

    Offer choices

    Being presented with options is more pleasant than taking orders. Ask your son which shirt he wants to wear. Discuss whether your daughter would rather brush her teeth or comb her hair first.
    Share responsibility. Give each family member a chance to weigh in. Assign tasks based on their age and abilities.

    Create incentives

    Show your kids that good behavior pays off. If you manage to leave the house earlier than planned, stop for hot chocolate on the way to school.

    Rehearse your roles

    On the other hand, if your system still needs some tweaking, practice your moves at a time when you’re feeling less pressured. Schedule a drill on Saturday afternoon.

    Eat breakfast

    A nutritious breakfast gives you energy and helps you to think more clearly. If possible, sit down together to share your meal. If that doesn’t work out, prepare something you can eat in the car, like smoothies or bean burritos.

    Turn off the TV

    Minimize distractions. Keep the TV off and check phones or computers only for necessities like urgent emails or the weather report.

    Have fun

    While you’re juggling so many different responsibilities, remember to enjoy any hours you spend together as a family. Find something to laugh about or race each other to the car.

    Put an end to morning madness

    The way your family spends the early hours sets the tone for the rest of the day. Look for ways to simplify your morning routine and let your children know you appreciate their cooperation in getting up and out the door as smoothly as possible.